Sunday, February 23, 2014

Sorority Girl

Its not that often that one finds the will and the necessity to write in the first person, but as and when the need arises, one can hardly resist. But this is easy. Whats even more harsh and tough to come out of is, when you start living in the third person format. Or the second person.For those confused to understand exactly how is this possible, please consider me to be naive if nothing else.

The more close you are to yourself the more inhabited are you by your own inhibitions. Your mindless banter continuous to be so ubiquitous, that it really kills the voice of your inner self. The moral compass begins to point meaninglessly in every other direction possible and you feel completely displaced. With ambition died out and fire in the belly extinguished, you look for winds to help your boat reach the shore. Now you may find the much needed support in companionship of friends or a group of wanderers just as you, but sooner or later you would loose your natural self. 

Once your are adrift you continue to sail with preoccupied dispositions, most of which are not even yours to own in the first place. You are surrounded by opinions and then these opinions lead to choices and the choices finally to complexities. As much you try to make your self free of these complexities, you run into them at every step of your life. This is the point when you wish to give up and just be pleasing enough. 

Very recently I was viewing a pilot of a not so renowned televised American series. The protagonist of the show is asked this question by this sorority girl, beyond which his life changes. He always knew what the right answer  to the question was, but this girl helped  him overcome his inhibitions to accept the right answer. Its like a moment of epiphany I guess. Now whenever I replay that moment from the pilot in my head, all I feel is that where is this sorority girl when you need her the most

I'll end with what a great philosopher Nietzsche said 

"A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything"

I hope someday I embark on the casual stroll that gives me what I need the most, an epiphany. 

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

A Solitary Dilemma

In the despondent spirits he sat
Little hope and even less wine

His courage had waded off
His dreams were shattered
The purpose as to why he existed
Was all the more subtle

His obsessions had given him illusions
Illusions that helped him survive
Whose outcome was so unknown
Yet whose pursuit was so fulfilling

Those who supported him had moved on
The once who were new were not that emphatic in their approach

Recollecting the thoughts of a distant past
He sat controlling the liquid in his eyes
Yet pouring singular drops
From the nearly empty bottle

All the solace that he could now imagine
Was in the solitude he was left to bear
The dogmas had given way to dilemmas
The clarity to confusion

In all this he sat
Churning the beats of some sweet memories
Sometimes with that sweet radiant smile
Mostly to cover up his real self
Making him realize a lot had gone by
And almost everything has been lost

" Those moments which make you question as to whats the purpose are few ,but define the outnumbered seconds of all mankind existence "

Saturday, January 25, 2014

Smile

Unknowingly Jeh had opened up the closet which he dared not to open for so many years now. The closet was as metaphorical as real in wood. Etched within were the memories,which had taken him long to suppress.

Slowly gaining conscious of his present, he stretched out his arm to pour a glass of single malt. With every drop that fell, the years of his life flashed up before his eyes. Slowly he settled into his wooden chair and began to open the book, which he felt had long been lost. Entailed in great details, were moments so strong, without which Jeh would have not reached where he was. It was a perfect setting for one of those long nights when sleep eludes man and not for the good.

As the puff from the Cuban Cigar raised as small rings from his mouth, the gush of the malt in the veins could easily be felt. The dawn of singularity, a feeling of loneliness, something which he felt was lost in the darkness of the world around was again beginning to reach out to him. His mind was being overpowered by emotions and he could feel his eyes getting sore. His throat was choked and little could he decipher that was it choked with emotions or was it the malt. Jeh suddenly felt an ache in his heart and to his surprise there was smile to assist this ache , beautifully covering his face.

This was ironical that even in pain he had this smile. The smile was there as it just reminded him that even after so much passed, after so much lost after utter detachment, there was still something in there that could beat. He calmly moved out of his chair and laid down on his bed. Just before he could shut his eyes to maybe sleep he moved into a trance ,a vision , a flick moment, in which he could feel his Zaira somewhere near. Alas! he wished before he shut his eyes , had this not been just a mere dream.

" Who says I am not surrounded, question is am I surrounded by what I desire "

Thursday, January 9, 2014

Existence

The existence of an individual is hinged to his meticulously nurtured mindset. Years of evolution just makes a person more wise and in this wisdom an individual finds peace in the ways of life.

Wisdom contributes effectively towards making the mind as the prime mover, as the control center for what all we need to do. A moment of decision happens and our brain cells start sending us shock waves, we analyze, we breakdown structures and look for elementary perfection. We shuffle between big picture and pin point focus. Rationality rules the rooster.Forces seem to be belittled in their influence and we seem to be the master of creation. 

But then there are some who balance. Who know forces happen. They are unavoidable and really difficult to comprehend, but you need to move on. You drag , you move an inch but you cover some ground. But they shall never do so for anything but for one single thing. The thing they can associate with. The thing that fills them up with an ardent desire to live. A feeling where u give up survival and start living. Some say they are lucky that they have that one thing, but is that the real reason ?

What I have written in such an ambiguous manner, I shall end it with a thought shared to me by someone great. " The multitudes who exist, just allows themselves to be puppets of celestial existence. They either appear powerless or just understand that things are written prior to they happen. But there are always a handful who would realize their the calling of their inner desire. Many of these would just give in to the first sight of horror." Then after a long pause and a twinkle in his eyes, he gazed at the stars to say " And then there are the limited limitless ones , who never given in. Who just blaze their way sometimes to utter failure. For whom it becomes the push to achieve immortality. Such great souls also perish, its just they live out as legends beyond there mortal existence"

All I shall say is, its how complete from within a thing makes a  person feel is what drives the person to do that certain thing. And till the point that completion is found, one just strives on and on.

"You can cut all the flowers but you cannot keep spring from coming " Neruda 

Friday, December 27, 2013

Belong

Its in our proverbial fate that we have been hinged in our existence, either to people or to setups. Some among us are very headstrong to understand their calling and find their natural belonging. While  there are others who wander and shall wander for their fate does not allow them to rest.

Anyhow like most times I suggest for a third type to so many types there might exist. One could be hinged to both the setup and to the people. In different phases of life you may encounter people and environment alike, that you are perplexed to think, what is that defines the other. But if you think of them as one, then you become so attached to your present state that you do not want change to happen.

Bigger fact is that it is tough for people to understand that how does it matter that you belong or not. For some every setup is so congenial that they do not have this conundrum to suffer from. They go and find their place. And not to miss the ones who say they create their place. Those people never understand they just fill voids.

Now for a handful among us who understand that at one moment in the structure of time you can only represent one single form and for that one single form there is only one single place to which it can belong. Now not all achieve that but few do , while others perish away at least understanding what they should belong to. Now such people will always be misunderstood, their presence in their aloofness shall always be questioned , but then there is an address for every letter. And more so there are people who shall be the postmasters for delivering these letters to their desired destination. You can just hope to be with such people and hope that these people never change, cause all change is not good. 

" They who prevail  in the unwilling times are the ones for whom no times are different "

Saturday, August 31, 2013

Prospects in Life

Mirage a scientific illusion , related to deserts , related to nomads, sometimes seems just so ubiquitous. Walking through the complexities of this life, one often falls prey to feelings that even the most strong among us cannot elude. 

One escapes from everything, but just the prospect of falling for these feelings is so big that one cannot chase them off. When the urge develops, you are a bit pushed back. You are a bit pessimistic, but then there is a strong desire for it all to be real. Like a gambler whose has lost everything, you plunge with full force as if nothing to loose. Things like dignity seem to be morbid chains which you want to get free from. The world seems to be a hallucination and that single prospect seems to be the real joy. 

Just when you loose that something, which in reality was never yours, you jump out of the fire of desire. The hallucination gives way to the real complexities once again. You are torn yet not defeated, you have lost but not given up.It all seems like a magic trick, just that there is no magician to reveal it. The feeling of being a puppet creeps in, and it is no longer morality you want to break free from. These are wires that strangle you hard and it seems as if you are destined to be chained to them. 

That's when you really fall back as to think if prospects are really something that one should go all out for or are they just mirages to be avoided. For the loners out there I say the true spirit of existence is not in walking down a well known path, sometimes its just about getting up, dusting off and moving on with the same zeal forever. 


As Neruda puts it beautifully 
“To feel the love of people whom we love is a fire that feeds our life.”

Sunday, January 6, 2013

Rendezvous with Innocence

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 35; the thirty-fifth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton. The theme for the month is "...and the world was silent again"
The face glowed like a shimmering ray of hope. Her expressions were so pure. It was as if the the earth had come to a stop. 

With his scotch pouring within and rings of smoke in the air, Jeh 's eyes were just too focused at the car parked below. The car was not something which had captured his imagination , but it was someone seated inside. With her hands  against the window pane and her tongue stuck out she was giving every by passer a hard time. Every one gazed at her , someone just stood still while others moved on . And there among all this stood Jeh , staring from his apartment window. 

Then their eyes met and the tale began . Looks exchanged, expressions changed and the correspondence started. She pointed in a strict manner towards the rings he formed, Jeh's heart melted and he put away the cigar. She smiled and immediately began to search her pocket . Jeh was completely confused as to what she was searching. Out came a dairy milk. The lady next to her persuaded but she was not the one who would give up . Finally she won. Opening up with immense care she cherished every bit of it. Then teasingly she ate it. The whole site was so exuberant that Jeh was left amazed. She continued to tease Jeh till the last bit. He sipped his wine with an unusual smile on his face.  

With a sense of comfort drawing in, even Jeh began to respond. With great effort and little success he tried to converse in some sort of sign lingo. Forming ducks and dogs, birds and bears , God knows what not. But this did not amuse her and like a typical girl she nodded and gave everything a pass. Alas! he scratched his head in despair and this was sufficient to make her laugh.

Just when a bond had almost been formed, the door opened and she rushed back to the rear seat of the car. Suddenly everything came to life and there was a buzz around. It was time to move apart. The cute, young and charming girl, moved her head back and with her small hand made a sign , a goodbye kiss for Jeh. For the mesmerized onlooker  a moment of bliss had passed and the world was silent again


Just the music played on 
            " Har vehle....., mere mehbooba ,
           Tenu taqda raha , eho ji karda "
      
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